


Femme Fatales

by lilac_firecracker



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Not Serious, Parody, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22426285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilac_firecracker/pseuds/lilac_firecracker
Summary: In which Naruto has a stroke of genius that leads to the rather anti-climatic end of the Fourth Shinobi War.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Femme Fatales

**_Prompt:_ ** _In which Naruto has a stroke of genius that lead to the end of the Fourth Shinobi War._

**_Genre:_ ** _Parody_

**_Warnings:_ ** _Randomness, Parody_

* * *

It was a rare break in the Fourth Shinobi War; Madara has been hit critically and hid his tail until he recovers. He hid really well, not even the _entire_ Hyuuga clan _along_ with the Sensory Division could find him.

The Ninjas and Kunoichis decided to use this rare chance to freshen up and up their games. One such moment in which all Kunoichis decided that they reeked of dirt and grime, and those needed to come off, _ASAP_. War or not, Kunoichi or not, they were first and foremost women, and their reputation as the cleaner of the two sex is at stake.

It just so happens that there were plenty of skilled kunoichis there, from every single village – it didn't take long for the Iwa Kunoichis to use their Earth Jutsus to dig a hole deep enough for hot spring water to gush up. A moment later, the newly formed hot spring was surrounded by high nearly impenetrable brick walls and all Kunoichis sighed in anticipation.

The male population was left outside, staring at the brick wall longingly. Feminine giggles, splashes of water and the thin strings of steam rising from the area seemed to taunt them.

"So not fair!" Kiba whined, and half of the male population nodded in agreement.

Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome. If you want to bathe that badly, just ask some earth users to build one for the men."

Kiba blanched. "Oh yeah." He turned to a random earth user. "Hey man, build us a hot spring, will you?"

The earth user ignored him and looked away, right into Akamaru's eyes. Into those big watery eyes, with flopped ears for a good measure… now who could say no to that?

He gathered up a bunch of earth users and wah-lah, another hot spring. Everyone looked on in fervor, and some jumped in without bothering to take their clothes off.

Kiba patted Akamaru. "Atta boy!"

Now every ninja relaxed in the warm soothing water that seeped off their worries, exhaustion and tension.

Except one.

Naruto sat near the edge of the spring looking… thoughtful(?). Kurama raised an eyebrow at that. An Uzumaki was looking thoughtful? That can't be good. The same sentiment was shared by Kakashi, who noticed Naruto rubbing his chin.

"Maa, Naruto-kun. It's such a rare break, maybe you should… take a break?" His wording came out slightly different from what he had intended, but his mind was worrying over what could have the resident Uzumaki using his brain.

"Nee, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto started.

Kakashi inwardly smiled at the suffix, his little (well not so little anymore) student still called him sensei. "Yes?"

" _All_ the Kunoichis are bathing in that other spring, right?"

Kakashi grew a bit alarmed at that, though a part of him was proud that Naruto was starting to take interest in those kind of things – maybe he would continue with Jiraiya-sama's Icha Icha series? "Uh, yes?"

"Like Sakura-chan, Ino, Temari, Tsunade and all those _freakishly strong_ kunoichis?"

"As far as I'm aware."

"And they get mad if you peep on them?"

Now Kakashi was starting to worry. Did too much fighting get to Naruto's head? "Naruto, maybe you should relax a little…"

"Great!" Naruto stood up with a jump, Kakashi waddled back a little in surprise. "Thanks sensei, you're awesome!" He exclaimed with a smile before the smile took on a more devilishly insane look.

"Uh, you're welcome?" But Naruto was gone before he barely got the first syllable out. That boy…

Besides _that_ smile, Kakashi shivered. He knew that smile. Kushina smiled like that when she had a particularly devilish idea.

_Not good._

Kakashi jumped out of the spring, dressed in less than a second, and took off after his wayward student. All the other Ninjas turned to see him blur off.

"Huh? What was that all about?"

"He's _officially_ broken…"

Naruto stood outside the female hot spring, giggling like a maniac. The feminine laughter and giggles sent him over the edge. Yes, this plan was genius and would end the war in less than a minute. He took a deep breath and concentrated his chakra, trying to recall Madara's appearance down to the last detail.

Kurama got what he was doing and began cackling, nearly breaking his concentration. "Sorry," he wheezed and inwardly admitted that Uzumakis really came up the most insane plans.

Kakashi reached his student in time to see him transform into… Uchiha Madara?!

"Naruto!" He hissed once he reached the boy in seconds, not wanting to alert the Kunoichis of their presence. Yes, even _he_ was scared of them. "What are you doing?"

Naruto, or _Madara_ simply grinned at him – okay, that image was disturbingly creepy, Kakashi shivered. Naruto's grin widened and he gave a Guy-like thumbs up, teeth glinting and all.

Imagine _Uchiha Madara_ doing that…

Kakashi fought his consciousness to stop himself to dropping faint.

Maduto looked at his teacher about to faint and furrowed his eyes in confusion, before shrugging – who knows what insane things goes through that man's head.

"Sensei, can you make a hole for me in the wall?"

Kakashi merely nodded, not having the strength to refuse after hearing _the_ Uchiha Madara call _him_ sensei. Granted, it wasn't the _real_ Uchiha Madara, but still…

While he was off doing that, Maduto created a clone which reverted back to Naruto. He tapped his feet patiently while Kakashi drilled the hole, trying to bottle his glee.

When Kakashi was done, Naruto ordered him to hide or run away. Kakashi ran away but stayed to watch from a distance.

Sakura looked down at her chest and then at Ino and HInata _. 'I feel like I just failed as a woman...'_ she mourned.

"PERVERT! WHY ARE YOU PEEPING ON SAKURA-CHAN?"

 _'Naruto?'_ Sakura thought, _'what is that idiot doing?'_ then the rest of Naruto sentence hit her.

All the Kunoichi in the spring froze and veins appeared on their forehead. All heads whipped towards the voice, and a lone Eternal Sharingan eye was seen peeping through a hole in the wall.

 ** _"UCHIHA MADARA! YOU. ARE. SO. DEAD!"_** roared fifty or so Kunoichis, before a hoard of towel clad women stormed out of the spring.

The men shivered the minute they heard the roar and wondered which idiot dared to cross the hoard of 'freakishly strong' Kunoichis in the middle of the war. They prayed a quick prayer, not knowing they were praying for their enemy.

Madara sat in his hideout, flexing his arm. Yes, he was nearly healed! Then he noticed the ground rumbling.

"Zetsu, what is that noise?" He asked Black Zetsu.

Black Zetsu had turned white from fear. "T-t-t-theey a-a-a-aree-ee c-c-com-m-inggg!" And he dropped dead on the floor.

Madara kicked the lump, useless plant!

 _'Hm, so they went on offence, interesting.'_ He mused and waited for them to come.

Only after the hideouts walls were destroyed into particles did he see who 'they' were. And the first thought that ran though his head, was _'RUN!'_ Unfortunately, his body didn't register that. In a micro-second he was mauled by a hoard of enraged Kunoichi who did not take lightly to being peeped on.

Kakashi stared at Naruto who was rolling on the floor in (and Kurama, but Kakashi couldn't see him) cackling, and wheezing and wondered what was _wrong_ with the world if it had to be saved like that; but decided it wasn't worth mulling about.

The male Kages watched in fascination as the all-powerful Uchiha Madara was mauled, beaten, kicked, stomped, stabbed, exploded, and scratched to death.

Minato shivered, and for some reason felt happy that the Uzumaki child of his was a son. The world would not be able to handle an Uzumaki Female Jinchuuriki _who tamed the Kyuubi._

Hashirama nodded from the side in approval. He will tell Tsunade that this boy _needs_ to be the next Hokage.

A plan worthy of an Uzumaki indeed.

_And that was how the world had been saved from being turned into the food for an evil sentinent tree by the evil mastermind Uchiha Madara – the real mastermind (Kaguya) didn't even have a chance to show up…_

_The end of Fourth Shinobi World War._

**Finale.**

* * *

_Author's note: this came into my mind while watching the scene where jiraiya gets beaten up by the civilian women for peeping xD._


End file.
